Puns // July 2, 2005

Only people of superior intelligence appreciate puns, so I thought you would like these!

Subject: Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because",
he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath.

This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good).....

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.