Home again, home again…. (A Little R&R) // August 14, 2005

Coming into the chapel is in fact coming home for me. I have now lived here longer than anywhere this year. (If I haven’t, it sure enough feels like it) There is that sweet feeling of home as I look tenderly down at my cot, covers all messed up cause I failed to make my bed before I left. And then there is that familiar smell of sweat and dust. Ahh, what great odors meet my olfactory senses as I disembark the bus. There is no place like home. Or Camp Striker, or something like that. I’m sure Dorothy had something else in mind when she spoke the immortal phrase!

So I thought of this for you all, if you are reading this and you are waiting for a loved one to come home – remember – when he/she gets there, their response might be very different from mine. (You might have already or soon will see your loved one on a scheduled R&R – I use the term “soon” relatively as mine is not until January) Everybody is different and everyone deals with culture shock differently. The key thing here is to:
1. Take everything slow. It takes time to adapt to a new environment! When your man gets home, he is going to want to sleep. Or he might fight sleep – what he needs to do is sleep.
2. PLEASE!!! Talk about stuff before you get together. I know that there is stuff that we hide from each other given the circumstances, however, as you are getting ready to get your loved one back, now is the time to explain those little surprises that tend to upset. At least clue them in so its not a huge surprise. Really, on the way home from the Airport is NOT the time to tell him, “oh and by the way, we moved to Alaska…” 
3. Everything will be weird, not just for your soldier, but for you too. Its ok, everybody feels this way. Your soldier is going to be a little hostile. It’s a way of life here. He/she may not show that particularly to you, but remember, just because he gets frustrated with the mower is not call to notify combat stress. Really, It’ll be ok. Just relax and enjoy that time you have.
4. Please remember that two weeks is not the time to fix every little detail that has come up in the house. I know the human reaction is to try to fix one years worth of stuff in a few days – it cannot and should not be done. The driveway can wait until next May to be paved.
5. Also, on the same note, be careful not to try to see EVERYONE on the list. This is how it goes sometimes, everyone wants you to come and see them, but nobody wants to come and see you. Your time is really restricted so I would prioritize who it is that you want to see most and see them. Outside of that circle, hey, you’ll see them next summer. The key thing here is to communicate and have a plan for this before your soldier comes home.

The keynote item here is to expect things to be a little different, and give everyone the room to be that way. Take it all slowly and just enjoy the time you have together. Making memories is the best part of relationships. Make some good ones during the R&R!!!

Blessings and Peace!

(p.s. You might want to email this to a friend who is expecting their loved one home. Remember, I am your chaplain too, even though I am here, so if there is an issue I can help with or a specific question – please don’t hesitate to email me from this site!)