My First Audio Blog // August 14, 2007
Go to my podcast page
This was created using Quicktime Broadcaster. I'm sure there is a better way but it'll have to do for tonight. You will need quicktime to use this I think. Here's the text:
So I thought I would give the audio blog thing a shot. I came to this realization while on my run this evening through the "Foundation Trail" (this is a trail that winds through the city of Black River Falls, WI. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts - that being "This American Life" with Ira Glass. I really enjoy listening - it add entirely different dimension to the writing and besides - my great grandmother is almost a hundred now and blind. maybe she'll enjoy hearing what her great grandson is up to.
Funny thing, someone said this week that I am a "high caliber writer."
A writer? Me?
What a weird concept. This week the chaplain I was training said, "hey, I've read your blog, how does it feel to be an "Army Blogger?" Its funny, I never considered myself a blogger - or, for that matter, a writer. But I have written thousands of words that I have published and are read by people other than my family on a regular basis. I have consistently journaled, philosophized, thought out loud, worked thorough my own internal issues in public through a blog. But I really don't consider myself either a writer or a blogger. That title is reserved for other people. Important people. People whose opinions and thoughts matter to the general public. According to my blog entry page, I have written 222 entries with 476 comments. That's a lot of writing. Honestly, I never thought I would have written this much. I never thought I would keep it up.
Does that make me a writer?
This was created using Quicktime Broadcaster. I'm sure there is a better way but it'll have to do for tonight. You will need quicktime to use this I think. Here's the text:
So I thought I would give the audio blog thing a shot. I came to this realization while on my run this evening through the "Foundation Trail" (this is a trail that winds through the city of Black River Falls, WI. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts - that being "This American Life" with Ira Glass. I really enjoy listening - it add entirely different dimension to the writing and besides - my great grandmother is almost a hundred now and blind. maybe she'll enjoy hearing what her great grandson is up to.
Funny thing, someone said this week that I am a "high caliber writer."
A writer? Me?
What a weird concept. This week the chaplain I was training said, "hey, I've read your blog, how does it feel to be an "Army Blogger?" Its funny, I never considered myself a blogger - or, for that matter, a writer. But I have written thousands of words that I have published and are read by people other than my family on a regular basis. I have consistently journaled, philosophized, thought out loud, worked thorough my own internal issues in public through a blog. But I really don't consider myself either a writer or a blogger. That title is reserved for other people. Important people. People whose opinions and thoughts matter to the general public. According to my blog entry page, I have written 222 entries with 476 comments. That's a lot of writing. Honestly, I never thought I would have written this much. I never thought I would keep it up.
Does that make me a writer?
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm going to be doing this ten years from now. I wonder what kind of person I'll be then. I wonder if the only reason I keep this up is because its become such an old friend, it always listens to me and never talks back. It always thinks I'm really smart and witty. It never lets me down. Sometimes I feel guilty if I leave it alone for awhile. That's one of the interesting byproducts of being married I guess, I come home and give all my thoughts to Sara and my blog has to deal with the leftovers. I need to decompress. I love to do that with Sara - I used to do it with my blog. So, now, when I come home and give my thoughts to Sara, sometimes I have to force myself to return to the keyboard. Then, when I strike the keys and get my thoughts rolling again, its like I've caught up with an old friend who "gets me."
I guess its an identity thing. For most of my life I have been either a son or a student. Then, I went from a student to a teacher. The one title I always wanted to have was "pastor" but when I was the music pastor at New Life, I couldn't have that title since I was not ordained. Once in a blue moon someone will call me pastor at church and it just does not feel right. I really want it to feel right, but a pastor I am not. Then I became a soldier. I never really felt like a soldier... ever... Even when I deployed, for most of the time I just felt like a teacher that happened to have a uniform on. Then, by the time I got home, I went back to teaching and was a chaplain who happened to be in a classroom. Sara said last night that I have not been a teacher since December 2004... and she's right. I am already becoming more of a soldier than anything else. I was having a conversation with Ch Clark (my BDE chaplain) after we were through training the 48th BCT UMTs and confessed that I already feel like "that guy." That guy that is more chaplain than pastor. That guy who has been in the Army longer than in the civilian pastorate and knows only the Army ministry. I feel like that guy that is forgetting what its like to have to worry about budgets and deacon meetings. That guy who is really compassionate but not afraid to tell a soldier that life is not going to change and he is going to have to adjust fire and deal with it. Oh, there it is - I now speak in Army euphemism - things that only make sense if your in the Army. Not just the military mind you, but the Army. All the things I swore I would never be, I already am becoming.
Add to that, blogger. And soon, father. Sara told me that the baby has started playing soccer every night about 11. Sorry honey, he's my kid - whatareyagonnado?
That adds an entirely different dimension to this identity thing. I mean, what qualifies you to be a father? Knowing about the birds and bees? Sometimes I wonder...
Seriously though, Sara and I were talking about this very thing tonight. What do we worry about as new parents? For me, I worry that my child won't like me. I know that I can raise a respectful kid, a well-behaved kid - but will I be able to connect with my kid? I so want that. I want to dream with my kid. I want to see his imagination take off and tell me all about the dragons in the woods, the ogars under his bed and the great sword with which he will dispatch both. But maybe he won't be like that. Maybe he won't like to read.
Perish the thought.
A friend of mine write me an email the other day. She asked me how I felt about raising a child in the military world. Man, thats a tough question. How can I be a good father if I'm not there? How do I teach my children about the world, if at some point I have to be gone for 15 months at a time. I just hope I can get most of that out of the way before they become teenagers. I really don't know to be honest. Sometimes, I'm very afraid I will fail them. I will not make good decisions and give the good guidance. I am afraid that I will be more of a commanding officer than a father to them. I really don't want my kids to be "Army Brats" but it can't be helped. They already are.
In the end, as my good friend puts it so eloquently, its a crap shoot. You do the best you can, teach them the truth and hope they don't get mixed up with the wrong people. You pray and pray that they make good decisions. Its amazing to me how much I love him already... and I'm not sure its even a him... nice.
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Blogging , Podcast , Reflections2 Comments
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Chaplain Jon Fisher
Jon, are you kiddin' me? You are one heckava terrific writer! I've posted to you before, a long time ago, about the quality of your writing. You could take your blogs, especially the frankness of your experiences in Iraq, put them in a book, and, I swear, it would be Pulitzer material.
As for "the identity thing":
You will always be a teacher, because you are so very good at it and you can't help yourself --
and --
You will always be a student. The day we stop learning (on this earth) is the day we die. And where you and I hope to be going, there will be great things to learn there, too.
-Jean in SC 8-)
Ah, so true. We are always students. I think when we stop learning we need to voluntarily accept a sign on us that says - "stuck in a rut" that way people will know to leave us alone in our ignorance...