Amnon and Tamar - "Love" turned upside down // November 11, 2007
This is today's sermon - I'm about to go preach it! I'll post the podcast later today or tomorrow. Its a heavy topic and a challenging one, but I believe that its an important message for today.
Title: When Fantasy becomes Reality it sometimes turns into Tragedy.
Text: II Samuel 13
Proposition: Amnon’s fantasy became reality with a little influence and the result was tragic – so also when we allow our ungodly fantasies to germinate and become reality, tragedy is the only result.
Ever wonder why certain stories are even in the Bible? Seriously, have you been reading away and then you come to a passage and when you get done, you put the Bible down and just breath a heavy sigh? The passage we are going to look at today is one of those passages. Before we get to that however, I want to introduce you to a concept that I think will help you in your Bible study. Ready? Here it is: “metanarrative” – this is an academic word that is used in post-modernity to describe transcending knowledge.
Now, some of you just shut down when you heard the word – meta… anything… but really it’s a simple concept. The word “meta” carries several ideas in its meaning – here we look at the idea of “along side of” for instance you see this in the idea of “meta-physical” – along side of the physical. There is another world that is NOT physical but still exists. Love – a meta-physical word. Loyalty – a meta physical word. Does love exist? Sure. Can it be physically rendered? It exists in the world that runs alongside of the physical reality. It is meta-physical. Meta (from Greek: μετά = "after", "beyond", "with"), is a prefix used in English in order to indicate a concept which is an abstraction from another concept, used to complete or add to the latter.
The meta-narrative then is the bigger picture. It’s the grand story that goes along side of the smaller story and connects abstracts (details) together. Imagine the story of the US Army – big story right? A story that spans a couple centuries, numerous wars, millions of people – of that meta-narrative, one story might be told – the story of the Third Infantry Division. The story of the 3ID needs to be understood in light of the greater context of the story of the US Army – which needs to be understood in light of the greater story of the United States Government and People! Meta-Narrative!
Sometimes, when it comes to Scripture, we get lost in the details. We start pulling out little Scriptures to meet a specific need in our lives and lose track of the Bigger Picture. OR, we ignore a passage of Scripture because we don’t see how it fits into the Meta-Narrative of God’s love for the Human Race. Its really just a fancy way of saying – Context is King!
Title: When Fantasy becomes Reality it sometimes turns into Tragedy.
Text: II Samuel 13
Proposition: Amnon’s fantasy became reality with a little influence and the result was tragic – so also when we allow our ungodly fantasies to germinate and become reality, tragedy is the only result.
Ever wonder why certain stories are even in the Bible? Seriously, have you been reading away and then you come to a passage and when you get done, you put the Bible down and just breath a heavy sigh? The passage we are going to look at today is one of those passages. Before we get to that however, I want to introduce you to a concept that I think will help you in your Bible study. Ready? Here it is: “metanarrative” – this is an academic word that is used in post-modernity to describe transcending knowledge.
Now, some of you just shut down when you heard the word – meta… anything… but really it’s a simple concept. The word “meta” carries several ideas in its meaning – here we look at the idea of “along side of” for instance you see this in the idea of “meta-physical” – along side of the physical. There is another world that is NOT physical but still exists. Love – a meta-physical word. Loyalty – a meta physical word. Does love exist? Sure. Can it be physically rendered? It exists in the world that runs alongside of the physical reality. It is meta-physical. Meta (from Greek: μετά = "after", "beyond", "with"), is a prefix used in English in order to indicate a concept which is an abstraction from another concept, used to complete or add to the latter.
The meta-narrative then is the bigger picture. It’s the grand story that goes along side of the smaller story and connects abstracts (details) together. Imagine the story of the US Army – big story right? A story that spans a couple centuries, numerous wars, millions of people – of that meta-narrative, one story might be told – the story of the Third Infantry Division. The story of the 3ID needs to be understood in light of the greater context of the story of the US Army – which needs to be understood in light of the greater story of the United States Government and People! Meta-Narrative!
Sometimes, when it comes to Scripture, we get lost in the details. We start pulling out little Scriptures to meet a specific need in our lives and lose track of the Bigger Picture. OR, we ignore a passage of Scripture because we don’t see how it fits into the Meta-Narrative of God’s love for the Human Race. Its really just a fancy way of saying – Context is King!
Biblical Meta-narrative:
When we speak of the meta-narrative in reference to Scripture – we are
talking about the “grand narrative;” the “big story.” The
meta-narrative, the big story, in the Bible is the story of God. When
we read these small stories, these micro narratives, we need to look
for the face of God often seen in flawed humans. Often, the accusation
is laid at believers by non-believers (often folks who have made no
effort to understand the Bible) that since a particular story is in the
Bible then it must be how God is. Example: the Bible records that David
was a “man after God’s own heart” right? Well, David had lots of wives
right? David committed adultery and then had the woman’s husband wacked
in order to cover for his sin… right? Oh and lets not forget how in
anger he strapped on his sword to off Nabal and then took his wife
Abigail as his own – so, God would over look adultery, condone polygamy
and is ok with murder as long as you have a good reason? What?
The fact is that the Bible records history – in all its sordid details. What happened – happened! With the exception of Christ, it records the actions of mortal, sinful men and women. When you read Scripture and you run across a story that doesn’t leave you with warm fuzzies, remember that there is a bigger story being told. Read that story in context to the bigger one that is a part of the text.
Remember 2Tim. 3.16 (NKJV) ¶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Its vital that we understand this point about Scripture. The Bible is not written in a vacuum – there is a bigger picture that needs to be seen and explored – all Scripture should be seen in light of the Meta-Narrative. Don’t read the Bible in light of whatever your cultural background and theological bent – read it in light of the story being told! Note: the Meta-Narrative in action – Galatians 4:4 – “But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the Law!” Think of this: if you want to talk about some amazing facts: The Bible was written over a period of 1400 to 1800 years by more than 40 different authors. The Bible is a compilation of 66 separate books, divided into two primary divisions: the Old Testament (containing 39 books) and the New Testament (containing 27 books). The Bible was completed in its entirety nearly 2,000 years ago and stands today as the best-preserved literary work of all antiquity with over 24,000 ancient New Testament manuscripts discovered thus far. Compare this with the second best-preserved literary work of antiquity, Homer's Iliad, with only 643 preserved manuscripts discovered to date. (from: http://www.allabouttruth.org/is-the-bible-true-c.htm)
…and it tells the same story throughout the text! No other book can claim such a feat!
The Bible tells the story of God’s love for His creation - God’s love for His people. In the words of Scripture we see the face of God. Lets now return to the text for today’s message from 2 Samuel 13 and see what we can learn from a very sad point in the life of King David.
The Metanarrative for this text: God loves mankind. God wants mankind to care for his Kingdom. Man fails… miserably! So, God starts over and appoints Israel to show the world what life is like to live in covenant with God. If you will follow God – blessings come pouring down upon you – if you don’t, you suffer the result of that decision!! King David was Israel’s greatest king. He, like no other, had a soft heart for God. Like all sinners, sometimes he was really good and sometimes he was really bad. One day, he committed adultery with Bathsheba and everything that follows in the story is a result of that terrible choice on the rooftop. Note: Chapter 12:10 (Side note: I love the story of King David, you really need to read it through the lens of a great novel – its like David is the “Godfather” of Israel and Joab is his warlord/consigliari…) – Nathan the prophet tells David that the “Sword would never depart from his house” because of his sin. Tragedy and failure followed David and his family for the rest of His life. Up to this point David’s life had been characterized by political triumphs, spiritual triumphs, and military triumphs and after this point it is characterized by failure, troubles in his house (Absalom) and troubles in his kingdom. Eventually, he gets his head screwed on straight and gets it right but not before irreparable damage is done to his country and people. Here we see the first lesson of the meta-narrative – once you are on God’s path – DON”T DEVIATE! While there is always forgiveness in the heart of God, you still have to pay for your bad choices and sins! It will catch up with you!
In the midst of this story, let us not forget that there are greater truths that can be observed. We are to learn from this text, as with all other texts and see the bigger picture.
The Characters:
Amnon: David’s firstborn son by Ahinoam, a very foolish, easily influenced young man.
Tamar: David’s beautiful daughter by Maacah – a princess of Israel. She was half-brother to Amnon and full brother to Absalom.
Absalom: David’s favorite son – a conniving, manipulating, powerful heir to the throne with only Amnon the fool in the way. A dashingly handsome young man with a magnetic personality with ALL of the King’s passion. He is a little David – without – a heart that seeks after God.
Jonadab: “Friend” to Amnon – a “crafty” young man
The Story: (From “The Message” by Eugene Peterson)
Some time later, this happened: Absalom, David’s son, had a sister who was very attractive. Her name was Tamar. Amnon, also David’s son, was in love with her. Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her. Amnon had a good friend, Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah. Jonadab was exceptionally streetwise. He said to Amnon, “Why are you moping around like this, day after day—you, the son of the king! Tell me what’s eating at you.”
“In a word, Tamar,” said Amnon. “My brother Absalom’s sister. I’m in love with her.”
“Here’s what you do,” said Jonadab. “Go to bed and pretend you’re sick. When your father comes to visit you, say, ‘Have my sister Tamar come and prepare some supper for me here where I can watch her and she can feed me.’” So Amnon took to his bed and acted sick. When the king came to visit, Amnon said, “Would you do me a favor? Have my sister Tamar come and make some nourishing dumplings here where I can watch her and be fed by her.”
David sent word to Tamar who was home at the time: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare a meal for him.”
So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house. She took dough, kneaded it, formed it into dumplings, and cooked them while he watched from his bed. But when she took the cooking pot and served him, he wouldn’t eat.
Amnon said, “Clear everyone out of the house,” and they all cleared out. Then he said to Tamar, “Bring the food into my bedroom, where we can eat in privacy.” She took the nourishing dumplings she had prepared and brought them to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she got ready to feed him, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, sister!”
“No, brother!” she said, “Don’t hurt me! This kind of thing isn’t done in Israel! Don’t do this terrible thing! Where could I ever show my face? And you—you’ll be out on the street in disgrace. Oh, please! Speak to the king—he’ll let you marry me.”
But he wouldn’t listen. Being much stronger than she, he raped her.
No sooner had Amnon raped her than he hated her—an immense hatred. The hatred that he felt for her was greater than the love he’d had for her. “Get up,” he said, “and get out!”
“Oh no, brother,” she said. “Please! This is an even worse evil than what you just did to me!”
But he wouldn’t listen to her. He called for his valet. “Get rid of this woman. Get her out of my sight! And lock the door after her.” The valet threw her out and locked the door behind her.
She was wearing a long-sleeved gown. (That’s how virgin princesses used to dress from early adolescence on.) Tamar poured ashes on her head, then she ripped the long-sleeved gown, held her head in her hands, and walked away, sobbing as she went.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has your brother Amnon had his way with you? Now, my dear sister, let’s keep it quiet—a family matter. He is, after all, your brother. Don’t take this so hard.” Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s home, bitter and desolate.
King David heard the whole story and was enraged, but he didn’t discipline Amnon. David doted on him because he was his firstborn. Absalom quit speaking to Amnon—not a word, whether good or bad—because he hated him for violating his sister Tamar.
Two years went by. One day Absalom threw a sheep-shearing party in Baal Hazor in the vicinity of Ephraim and invited all the king’s sons. He also went to the king and invited him. “Look, I’m throwing a sheep-shearing party. Come, and bring your servants.”
But the king said, “No, son—not this time, and not the whole household. We’d just be a burden to you.” Absalom pushed, but David wouldn’t budge. But he did give him his blessing.
Then Absalom said, “Well, if you won’t come, at least let my brother Amnon come.” ¶ “And why,” said the king, “should he go with you?”
But Absalom was so insistent that he gave in and let Amnon and all the rest of the king’s sons go.
Absalom prepared a banquet fit for a king. Then he instructed his servants, “Look sharp, now. When Amnon is well into the sauce and feeling no pain, and I give the order ‘Strike Amnon,’ kill him. And don’t be afraid—I’m the one giving the command. Courage! You can do it!”
Absalom’s servants did to Amnon exactly what their master ordered. All the king’s sons got out as fast as they could, jumped on their mules, and rode off. While they were still on the road, a rumor came to the king: “Absalom just killed all the king’s sons—not one is left!” The king stood up, ripped his clothes to shreds, and threw himself on the floor. All his servants who were standing around at the time did the same.
Just then, Jonadab, his brother Shimeah’s son, stepped up. “My master must not think that all the young men, the king’s sons, are dead. Only Amnon is dead. This happened because of Absalom’s outrage since the day that Amnon violated his sister Tamar. So my master, the king, mustn’t make things worse than they are, thinking that all your sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”
Absalom fled.
Just then the sentry on duty looked up and saw a cloud of dust on the road from Horonaim alongside the mountain. He came and told the king, “I’ve just seen a bunch of men on the Horonaim road, coming around the mountain.”
Then Jonadab exclaimed to the king, “See! It’s the king’s sons coming, just as I said!” He had no sooner said the words than the king’s sons burst in—loud laments and weeping! The king joined in, along with all the servants—loud weeping, many tears. David mourned the death of his son a long time.
When Absalom fled, he went to Talmai son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. He was there three years.
The king finally gave up trying to get back at Absalom. He had come to terms with Amnon’s death.
The Point: Whew, that’s heavy stuff! Let’s look at some of the conflicts in the text.
1. Friendship vs. Influence.
a. What is a friend?
b. Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. In the story here, Amnon has a friend named Jonadab. When I was in college there was this country preacher that I remember just going crazy on the platform and the only thing I remember from the sermon was the phrase, “but he had a friend…” (you have to say that in the most ominous, evil, vicious voice possible to get the effect…) In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:
i. The tendency to desire what is best for each other
ii. Both sympathy and empathy
iii. Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
iv. Mutual Understanding
c. This discussion begs the question – was Jonadab a friend to Amnon?
d. Friends and Influences are not the same thing!
i. Friends – see above
ii. Influences: Influence is a term that refers to the ability to indirectly control, shape or affect the actions, beliefs and attitudes of other people or things through your behavior, words or presence. The meaning of influence therefore depends on who or what is being affected, and to what end.
iii. By this definition – Jonadab had an influence upon Amnon – he gave Amnon the liberty and freedom to act upon his sinful fantasy. I submit to you that Amnon probably would not have done what he did without the influence and condonement of Jonadab.
iv. You are NOT a friend, if you simply condone the foolish and sinful behavior of your friends. I know, I know, I can already hear it – but chaplain, how can I help them be a better person if I don’t stay with them? The cycle of desctuctive behavior has been unbroken in many families simply because someone just “loved” someone else straight into hell. The hell of abuse, he hell of broken relationships, the hell of addiction and, dare I say it, the Hell of unbelife that is brought about by not presenting Christ as the only hope of Salvation!
v. The classic “can’t pull someone up to your level (man on chair)” illustration.
vi. Amnon got lost in his fantasy and allowed Jonadab to influence him to an unspeakable crime.
vii. His rejection of the object of his love doubly victimizes her and demonstrates that his “love” if this emotion can even be called that – is only based on a selfish desire for self-gratification. This same warped “emotion” is preached 24/7 from the pulpit of the media! It is shown in reality shows that we allow pumped into our homes. It is drilled into our children and ourselves and we just sit back and let it happen! Each of us would say – “I would never commit a crime like Amnon here!” Yet, we accept the lie that says that its ok to “fall out of love” and walk away from a relationship! We accept the lie that if we are not getting anything out of a relationship, then the relationship does not need to happen – when the going gets tough in a relationship – we just give up and walk away. We declare bankruptcy on the relationship and push the start over button again. We set in motion a series of events that carries the baggage of broken relationships into our children’s children. If this chain has bound you and your family – BREAK THAT CHAIN!! Reject that foolish notion. Know that relationships are heard and take work – and then work them out!! That is God’s desire!
2. Desire vs. Lust
a. The next “truth in conflict” we find in this text is the conflict between what is a natrural and wonderful emotion that God gave us and the evil that can come of unchecked lust.
b. God made man to desire women. Its natural and its awesome! God gave us sex! Its not an evil thing! It’s a wonderful gift! An interesting point about this was made by the English theologian and appologestist G.K. Chesterton in reference to the classic argument that, since God was suppoed to be good, why is there so much pain in the world? The classic argument of “the problem of pain.” To this Chesterton responded with the “problem of pleasure” – He asked the question, “why is reproduction (sex) fun? I mean, it certainly does not require pleasure – some animals simply split in half to reproduce, yet with mankind there is the chase, the romance, the passion and release of sex. Why? Perhaps, it is because te God who made us, made us to enjoy the life He has given us! Desire is part and parcel of the human experince. Yet, left unchecked by the proper bounds of marriage and family – it is nothing but pain and anguish.
c. Lust: Lust is any intense desire or craving for self gratification. Lust can mean strictly sexual lust, although it is also common to speak of a "lust for life", "lust for blood (bloodlust for short)", or a "lust for power" or other goals. The Greek word which translates as lust is epithymia (επιθυμια), which also is translated into English as "to covet". In Scripture it more or less reflects the same meaning. It did not always connote evil but has come to mean that in the modern vernacular. Desire, left unchecked by the Spirit, parents, godly influences, the Scripture – will turn into lust.
i. Note the pattern that takes place here:
1. Amnon desires what he cannot have
2. He fantasizes after Tamar – he had already “done the deed” in his heart – Christ would later say of such a sin that he was already a rapist, for he had done it in his heart. (Mt. 5:28)
3. He finds someone who will condone his sin, and give him the moral freedom to act.
4. He acts – and finds that he hates himself and the object of his desire. There is pleasure in sin for a season.
5. James 1:12-15 – Sin brings death.
ii. Amnon’s lust has only brought pain and sorrow.
1. It brought pain and sorrow to the victim, Tamar. Beloved, if you have been victimized – it is NOT your fault! It breaks my heart to see how the church sometimes condemns and further victimizes someone who has gone through a tragedy – a crime – simply because they do not know how to handle it.
2. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly — It is not unusual for persons instigated by violent and irregular passions to go from one extreme to another. In Amnon’s case the sudden revulsion is easily accounted for; the atrocity of his conduct, with all the feelings of shame, remorse, and dread of exposure and punishment, now burst upon his mind, rendering the presence of Tamar intolerably painful to him. (From JFB) Sin, when it is done, always brings forth death.
3. Justice vs. Complacency
a. Amnon has committed a very serious crime. He knows it, the nation of Israel knows it, and now, his half-brother, the full brother and protector of Tamar (In Eastern countries, where polygamy prevails, the girls are considered to be under the special care and protection of their uterine brother, who is the guardian of their interests and their honor, even more than their father himself (see on Genesis 34:6-25). 2 Samuel 13:6-27. JFB) Absalom knows it. David knew about it too and was extremely angry – but did nothing about it.
b. Here, David and his children are linked together. When we were introduced to the characters in the beginning of the story, love was the keynote – now hatred, anger and revenge dominate the text. Justice must be served. Amnon must be punished for his crime. Under the Law he deserved punishment but David is silent. The palace will not speak to the issue. When David hears about Amnon’s rape of Tamar and its sequel, he is understandably “furious” (v.21)—just as he had “burned with anger” after learning of the despicable conduct of the rich man in Nathan’s parable (see 12:5 and comment; same Heb. expression in both cases). But even though he is “King David” (the title is an ironic touch), he perhaps feels that he is powerless to act because he himself is guilty of a similar sin: his adultery with Bathsheba. If Dinah’s brothers, hearing about the rape of their sister and thus becoming angry (Gen 34:7), proceeded to take what they considered to be the necessary steps to avenge her (Gen 34:25-29), David’s guilt in an analogous situation paralyzes him. Indeed, David’s responses throughout chapter 13 are reactive rather than proactive (cf. vv.37, 39).
i. The results of David’s sin with Bathsheba become evident in his relations with his sons, for how can a father discipline his children when he knows that he has done worse than they? When David’s son Amnon rapes Tamar ... David is very angry (2 Sam 13:21), and yet David takes no action, for he, too, has committed his own sexual offense. The upshot is that Tamar’s brother, Absalom, murders Amnon (2 Sam 13:29), but David again does nothing, for he, too, has a murder on his head. (Paul J. and Elizabeth Achtemeier, The Old Testament Roots of Our Faith [Philadelphia: Fortress, 1979], p. 94)
ii. The King is paralyzed with guilt and his hold on his household begins to crumble. As his house crumbles, so does his kingdom.
iii. Be sure your sin will find you out. Without justice, Absalom is provoked to wrath (Eph. 6:4) and eventually strikes out against his father the king. The nation of Israel would never be the same – all because David chose to satisfy his lusts instead of following God.
Conclusion: Where is the face of God in this story?
- None of these individuals is beyond God’s forgiveness. This story shows how tragic it is when people take their lives in their hands and live without God’s rules/guidelines.
- Self-gratification never really satisfies – we can move heaven and earth, get what we want and still, at the end of the day, be unsatisfied, angry, hurt and in need of more. Sin does not satisfy, nor is it ever placated, it always wants more. Its that monster that is never filled.
- God did not desire any of this for his children. He desires that we love and care for our fellows. This is love perverted – turned upside down and inside out. This is what the world does – it takes what God creates – sex, love, desire, justice, etc – and perverts it, turns it into something else entirely. Question – how do the influences in your life effect the way you view these metaphysical realities? How can you influence you family to not view life with this set of values?
- Question – does your love for others seek to give and share with them? Or, does that “love” desire only for self-gratification and take from them? True love, true friendship seeks only for the other’s benefit – greater love has no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friends – we are friends and children of God. His love for us could not be more opposite. This is the story of the deliberate choice to live life away from God. Let it not be yours as well.
The fact is that the Bible records history – in all its sordid details. What happened – happened! With the exception of Christ, it records the actions of mortal, sinful men and women. When you read Scripture and you run across a story that doesn’t leave you with warm fuzzies, remember that there is a bigger story being told. Read that story in context to the bigger one that is a part of the text.
Remember 2Tim. 3.16 (NKJV) ¶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Its vital that we understand this point about Scripture. The Bible is not written in a vacuum – there is a bigger picture that needs to be seen and explored – all Scripture should be seen in light of the Meta-Narrative. Don’t read the Bible in light of whatever your cultural background and theological bent – read it in light of the story being told! Note: the Meta-Narrative in action – Galatians 4:4 – “But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the Law!” Think of this: if you want to talk about some amazing facts: The Bible was written over a period of 1400 to 1800 years by more than 40 different authors. The Bible is a compilation of 66 separate books, divided into two primary divisions: the Old Testament (containing 39 books) and the New Testament (containing 27 books). The Bible was completed in its entirety nearly 2,000 years ago and stands today as the best-preserved literary work of all antiquity with over 24,000 ancient New Testament manuscripts discovered thus far. Compare this with the second best-preserved literary work of antiquity, Homer's Iliad, with only 643 preserved manuscripts discovered to date. (from: http://www.allabouttruth.org/is-the-bible-true-c.htm)
…and it tells the same story throughout the text! No other book can claim such a feat!
The Bible tells the story of God’s love for His creation - God’s love for His people. In the words of Scripture we see the face of God. Lets now return to the text for today’s message from 2 Samuel 13 and see what we can learn from a very sad point in the life of King David.
The Metanarrative for this text: God loves mankind. God wants mankind to care for his Kingdom. Man fails… miserably! So, God starts over and appoints Israel to show the world what life is like to live in covenant with God. If you will follow God – blessings come pouring down upon you – if you don’t, you suffer the result of that decision!! King David was Israel’s greatest king. He, like no other, had a soft heart for God. Like all sinners, sometimes he was really good and sometimes he was really bad. One day, he committed adultery with Bathsheba and everything that follows in the story is a result of that terrible choice on the rooftop. Note: Chapter 12:10 (Side note: I love the story of King David, you really need to read it through the lens of a great novel – its like David is the “Godfather” of Israel and Joab is his warlord/consigliari…) – Nathan the prophet tells David that the “Sword would never depart from his house” because of his sin. Tragedy and failure followed David and his family for the rest of His life. Up to this point David’s life had been characterized by political triumphs, spiritual triumphs, and military triumphs and after this point it is characterized by failure, troubles in his house (Absalom) and troubles in his kingdom. Eventually, he gets his head screwed on straight and gets it right but not before irreparable damage is done to his country and people. Here we see the first lesson of the meta-narrative – once you are on God’s path – DON”T DEVIATE! While there is always forgiveness in the heart of God, you still have to pay for your bad choices and sins! It will catch up with you!
In the midst of this story, let us not forget that there are greater truths that can be observed. We are to learn from this text, as with all other texts and see the bigger picture.
The Characters:
Amnon: David’s firstborn son by Ahinoam, a very foolish, easily influenced young man.
Tamar: David’s beautiful daughter by Maacah – a princess of Israel. She was half-brother to Amnon and full brother to Absalom.
Absalom: David’s favorite son – a conniving, manipulating, powerful heir to the throne with only Amnon the fool in the way. A dashingly handsome young man with a magnetic personality with ALL of the King’s passion. He is a little David – without – a heart that seeks after God.
Jonadab: “Friend” to Amnon – a “crafty” young man
The Story: (From “The Message” by Eugene Peterson)
Some time later, this happened: Absalom, David’s son, had a sister who was very attractive. Her name was Tamar. Amnon, also David’s son, was in love with her. Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her. Amnon had a good friend, Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah. Jonadab was exceptionally streetwise. He said to Amnon, “Why are you moping around like this, day after day—you, the son of the king! Tell me what’s eating at you.”
“In a word, Tamar,” said Amnon. “My brother Absalom’s sister. I’m in love with her.”
“Here’s what you do,” said Jonadab. “Go to bed and pretend you’re sick. When your father comes to visit you, say, ‘Have my sister Tamar come and prepare some supper for me here where I can watch her and she can feed me.’” So Amnon took to his bed and acted sick. When the king came to visit, Amnon said, “Would you do me a favor? Have my sister Tamar come and make some nourishing dumplings here where I can watch her and be fed by her.”
David sent word to Tamar who was home at the time: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare a meal for him.”
So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house. She took dough, kneaded it, formed it into dumplings, and cooked them while he watched from his bed. But when she took the cooking pot and served him, he wouldn’t eat.
Amnon said, “Clear everyone out of the house,” and they all cleared out. Then he said to Tamar, “Bring the food into my bedroom, where we can eat in privacy.” She took the nourishing dumplings she had prepared and brought them to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she got ready to feed him, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, sister!”
“No, brother!” she said, “Don’t hurt me! This kind of thing isn’t done in Israel! Don’t do this terrible thing! Where could I ever show my face? And you—you’ll be out on the street in disgrace. Oh, please! Speak to the king—he’ll let you marry me.”
But he wouldn’t listen. Being much stronger than she, he raped her.
No sooner had Amnon raped her than he hated her—an immense hatred. The hatred that he felt for her was greater than the love he’d had for her. “Get up,” he said, “and get out!”
“Oh no, brother,” she said. “Please! This is an even worse evil than what you just did to me!”
But he wouldn’t listen to her. He called for his valet. “Get rid of this woman. Get her out of my sight! And lock the door after her.” The valet threw her out and locked the door behind her.
She was wearing a long-sleeved gown. (That’s how virgin princesses used to dress from early adolescence on.) Tamar poured ashes on her head, then she ripped the long-sleeved gown, held her head in her hands, and walked away, sobbing as she went.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has your brother Amnon had his way with you? Now, my dear sister, let’s keep it quiet—a family matter. He is, after all, your brother. Don’t take this so hard.” Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s home, bitter and desolate.
King David heard the whole story and was enraged, but he didn’t discipline Amnon. David doted on him because he was his firstborn. Absalom quit speaking to Amnon—not a word, whether good or bad—because he hated him for violating his sister Tamar.
Two years went by. One day Absalom threw a sheep-shearing party in Baal Hazor in the vicinity of Ephraim and invited all the king’s sons. He also went to the king and invited him. “Look, I’m throwing a sheep-shearing party. Come, and bring your servants.”
But the king said, “No, son—not this time, and not the whole household. We’d just be a burden to you.” Absalom pushed, but David wouldn’t budge. But he did give him his blessing.
Then Absalom said, “Well, if you won’t come, at least let my brother Amnon come.” ¶ “And why,” said the king, “should he go with you?”
But Absalom was so insistent that he gave in and let Amnon and all the rest of the king’s sons go.
Absalom prepared a banquet fit for a king. Then he instructed his servants, “Look sharp, now. When Amnon is well into the sauce and feeling no pain, and I give the order ‘Strike Amnon,’ kill him. And don’t be afraid—I’m the one giving the command. Courage! You can do it!”
Absalom’s servants did to Amnon exactly what their master ordered. All the king’s sons got out as fast as they could, jumped on their mules, and rode off. While they were still on the road, a rumor came to the king: “Absalom just killed all the king’s sons—not one is left!” The king stood up, ripped his clothes to shreds, and threw himself on the floor. All his servants who were standing around at the time did the same.
Just then, Jonadab, his brother Shimeah’s son, stepped up. “My master must not think that all the young men, the king’s sons, are dead. Only Amnon is dead. This happened because of Absalom’s outrage since the day that Amnon violated his sister Tamar. So my master, the king, mustn’t make things worse than they are, thinking that all your sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”
Absalom fled.
Just then the sentry on duty looked up and saw a cloud of dust on the road from Horonaim alongside the mountain. He came and told the king, “I’ve just seen a bunch of men on the Horonaim road, coming around the mountain.”
Then Jonadab exclaimed to the king, “See! It’s the king’s sons coming, just as I said!” He had no sooner said the words than the king’s sons burst in—loud laments and weeping! The king joined in, along with all the servants—loud weeping, many tears. David mourned the death of his son a long time.
When Absalom fled, he went to Talmai son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. He was there three years.
The king finally gave up trying to get back at Absalom. He had come to terms with Amnon’s death.
The Point: Whew, that’s heavy stuff! Let’s look at some of the conflicts in the text.
1. Friendship vs. Influence.
a. What is a friend?
b. Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. In the story here, Amnon has a friend named Jonadab. When I was in college there was this country preacher that I remember just going crazy on the platform and the only thing I remember from the sermon was the phrase, “but he had a friend…” (you have to say that in the most ominous, evil, vicious voice possible to get the effect…) In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:
i. The tendency to desire what is best for each other
ii. Both sympathy and empathy
iii. Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
iv. Mutual Understanding
c. This discussion begs the question – was Jonadab a friend to Amnon?
d. Friends and Influences are not the same thing!
i. Friends – see above
ii. Influences: Influence is a term that refers to the ability to indirectly control, shape or affect the actions, beliefs and attitudes of other people or things through your behavior, words or presence. The meaning of influence therefore depends on who or what is being affected, and to what end.
iii. By this definition – Jonadab had an influence upon Amnon – he gave Amnon the liberty and freedom to act upon his sinful fantasy. I submit to you that Amnon probably would not have done what he did without the influence and condonement of Jonadab.
iv. You are NOT a friend, if you simply condone the foolish and sinful behavior of your friends. I know, I know, I can already hear it – but chaplain, how can I help them be a better person if I don’t stay with them? The cycle of desctuctive behavior has been unbroken in many families simply because someone just “loved” someone else straight into hell. The hell of abuse, he hell of broken relationships, the hell of addiction and, dare I say it, the Hell of unbelife that is brought about by not presenting Christ as the only hope of Salvation!
v. The classic “can’t pull someone up to your level (man on chair)” illustration.
vi. Amnon got lost in his fantasy and allowed Jonadab to influence him to an unspeakable crime.
vii. His rejection of the object of his love doubly victimizes her and demonstrates that his “love” if this emotion can even be called that – is only based on a selfish desire for self-gratification. This same warped “emotion” is preached 24/7 from the pulpit of the media! It is shown in reality shows that we allow pumped into our homes. It is drilled into our children and ourselves and we just sit back and let it happen! Each of us would say – “I would never commit a crime like Amnon here!” Yet, we accept the lie that says that its ok to “fall out of love” and walk away from a relationship! We accept the lie that if we are not getting anything out of a relationship, then the relationship does not need to happen – when the going gets tough in a relationship – we just give up and walk away. We declare bankruptcy on the relationship and push the start over button again. We set in motion a series of events that carries the baggage of broken relationships into our children’s children. If this chain has bound you and your family – BREAK THAT CHAIN!! Reject that foolish notion. Know that relationships are heard and take work – and then work them out!! That is God’s desire!
2. Desire vs. Lust
a. The next “truth in conflict” we find in this text is the conflict between what is a natrural and wonderful emotion that God gave us and the evil that can come of unchecked lust.
b. God made man to desire women. Its natural and its awesome! God gave us sex! Its not an evil thing! It’s a wonderful gift! An interesting point about this was made by the English theologian and appologestist G.K. Chesterton in reference to the classic argument that, since God was suppoed to be good, why is there so much pain in the world? The classic argument of “the problem of pain.” To this Chesterton responded with the “problem of pleasure” – He asked the question, “why is reproduction (sex) fun? I mean, it certainly does not require pleasure – some animals simply split in half to reproduce, yet with mankind there is the chase, the romance, the passion and release of sex. Why? Perhaps, it is because te God who made us, made us to enjoy the life He has given us! Desire is part and parcel of the human experince. Yet, left unchecked by the proper bounds of marriage and family – it is nothing but pain and anguish.
c. Lust: Lust is any intense desire or craving for self gratification. Lust can mean strictly sexual lust, although it is also common to speak of a "lust for life", "lust for blood (bloodlust for short)", or a "lust for power" or other goals. The Greek word which translates as lust is epithymia (επιθυμια), which also is translated into English as "to covet". In Scripture it more or less reflects the same meaning. It did not always connote evil but has come to mean that in the modern vernacular. Desire, left unchecked by the Spirit, parents, godly influences, the Scripture – will turn into lust.
i. Note the pattern that takes place here:
1. Amnon desires what he cannot have
2. He fantasizes after Tamar – he had already “done the deed” in his heart – Christ would later say of such a sin that he was already a rapist, for he had done it in his heart. (Mt. 5:28)
3. He finds someone who will condone his sin, and give him the moral freedom to act.
4. He acts – and finds that he hates himself and the object of his desire. There is pleasure in sin for a season.
5. James 1:12-15 – Sin brings death.
ii. Amnon’s lust has only brought pain and sorrow.
1. It brought pain and sorrow to the victim, Tamar. Beloved, if you have been victimized – it is NOT your fault! It breaks my heart to see how the church sometimes condemns and further victimizes someone who has gone through a tragedy – a crime – simply because they do not know how to handle it.
2. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly — It is not unusual for persons instigated by violent and irregular passions to go from one extreme to another. In Amnon’s case the sudden revulsion is easily accounted for; the atrocity of his conduct, with all the feelings of shame, remorse, and dread of exposure and punishment, now burst upon his mind, rendering the presence of Tamar intolerably painful to him. (From JFB) Sin, when it is done, always brings forth death.
3. Justice vs. Complacency
a. Amnon has committed a very serious crime. He knows it, the nation of Israel knows it, and now, his half-brother, the full brother and protector of Tamar (In Eastern countries, where polygamy prevails, the girls are considered to be under the special care and protection of their uterine brother, who is the guardian of their interests and their honor, even more than their father himself (see on Genesis 34:6-25). 2 Samuel 13:6-27. JFB) Absalom knows it. David knew about it too and was extremely angry – but did nothing about it.
b. Here, David and his children are linked together. When we were introduced to the characters in the beginning of the story, love was the keynote – now hatred, anger and revenge dominate the text. Justice must be served. Amnon must be punished for his crime. Under the Law he deserved punishment but David is silent. The palace will not speak to the issue. When David hears about Amnon’s rape of Tamar and its sequel, he is understandably “furious” (v.21)—just as he had “burned with anger” after learning of the despicable conduct of the rich man in Nathan’s parable (see 12:5 and comment; same Heb. expression in both cases). But even though he is “King David” (the title is an ironic touch), he perhaps feels that he is powerless to act because he himself is guilty of a similar sin: his adultery with Bathsheba. If Dinah’s brothers, hearing about the rape of their sister and thus becoming angry (Gen 34:7), proceeded to take what they considered to be the necessary steps to avenge her (Gen 34:25-29), David’s guilt in an analogous situation paralyzes him. Indeed, David’s responses throughout chapter 13 are reactive rather than proactive (cf. vv.37, 39).
i. The results of David’s sin with Bathsheba become evident in his relations with his sons, for how can a father discipline his children when he knows that he has done worse than they? When David’s son Amnon rapes Tamar ... David is very angry (2 Sam 13:21), and yet David takes no action, for he, too, has committed his own sexual offense. The upshot is that Tamar’s brother, Absalom, murders Amnon (2 Sam 13:29), but David again does nothing, for he, too, has a murder on his head. (Paul J. and Elizabeth Achtemeier, The Old Testament Roots of Our Faith [Philadelphia: Fortress, 1979], p. 94)
ii. The King is paralyzed with guilt and his hold on his household begins to crumble. As his house crumbles, so does his kingdom.
iii. Be sure your sin will find you out. Without justice, Absalom is provoked to wrath (Eph. 6:4) and eventually strikes out against his father the king. The nation of Israel would never be the same – all because David chose to satisfy his lusts instead of following God.
Conclusion: Where is the face of God in this story?
- None of these individuals is beyond God’s forgiveness. This story shows how tragic it is when people take their lives in their hands and live without God’s rules/guidelines.
- Self-gratification never really satisfies – we can move heaven and earth, get what we want and still, at the end of the day, be unsatisfied, angry, hurt and in need of more. Sin does not satisfy, nor is it ever placated, it always wants more. Its that monster that is never filled.
- God did not desire any of this for his children. He desires that we love and care for our fellows. This is love perverted – turned upside down and inside out. This is what the world does – it takes what God creates – sex, love, desire, justice, etc – and perverts it, turns it into something else entirely. Question – how do the influences in your life effect the way you view these metaphysical realities? How can you influence you family to not view life with this set of values?
- Question – does your love for others seek to give and share with them? Or, does that “love” desire only for self-gratification and take from them? True love, true friendship seeks only for the other’s benefit – greater love has no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friends – we are friends and children of God. His love for us could not be more opposite. This is the story of the deliberate choice to live life away from God. Let it not be yours as well.
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