I got orders. // January 31, 2008
Those three words that mean so much to an reservist... only, these are different, they mean I'm not a reservist any more.
A little over a month ago, I was at some UMT Training out in Hattiesburg, MS. The Chaplain giving the morning devotional was a reservist (as most of the chaplains in our division are reservists) and he noted the elephant in the room. He talked about how the reservist on a mobilization lives his life in a particular kind of faith - he is not guaranteed that his job will be there the next year - he can only hope that when the time comes, his/her "orders will come down..."
Sara and I have lived for the last three years, wondering about orders. Our experience has been that orders promised, don't always mean orders delivered. Its a scary place to be. Its one of the reasons that we went Active Duty.
We've been in that state for the last month I guess. I was told that my orders would come down a month ago, then it was two weeks, then it was "soon." Tonight, I checked my iPerms (online permanent records) and there they were - "Orders to Active Duty." I immediately opened them up: "You are ordered to Active Duty..."
Then it sunk in - This was it, its finally happened. I will not be done with this job till I'm in my 40s - and thats only if I want to stop! I'm committed. This may be hard for those other than my friends to get but I'm terrible about commitment. I've always been all about having a way out - having a second chance - not this time, I'm in it for the long haul.... not really sure what that feels like about now...
It IS a huge relief to finally be here though. Truth be told, while I am very proud of my National Guard experience, had I understood the choices, I never would have joined in the first place - I would have gone straight Active. Its been good for me though, I have learned SO much. I have been in the Army for over three years, spent two and a half on Active Duty and now am off to the races for the rest of it. As exciting as this moment is, I can tell you this - Sara and I knew what we were signing up for when we made the choice to go down this road. We knew what it would cost us.
I know that I have married the best woman in the world. For her to leave all she knew in Michigan, follow me into the dark waters of separation and loneliness and then to choose more of it, to choose a life that would have her raising our children sometime alone... thats love man, that can only be love...
I love you Sara. Thanks for going on this journey with me.
I confess that I am afraid of these next few months. This last week, some old, dear friends of mine asked me if I was "ok" with this coming deployment. You know, I am ok with it. I do fear sometimes: I fear the coming loneliness, I fear the depression that comes with it, I fear the angst of not being able to communicate, I fear the anger, angst, negativity, bitterness, and all the rest of it that will be dumped on my shoulders the moment I step off the plane, I fear meeting a new command, having the responsibility of new soldiers, going back to Camp Striker, a place that held such great pain for me. I fear all of it.
I fear most tempting fate for a second time. I fear going back to war.
That fear can be a cancer. It eats at my heart. It tempts me to falter in my steps. But I rest in my calling. I rest in m faith. When the fear comes, and it does - like the proverbial whirlwind, I look to what got me here and you know, its ok.
My family is going to be ok. My unit is going to be ok. My ministry is going to be ok.
Really, at the end of the day, isn't that want we want - just to be ok?
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Chaplain Jon Fisher
Congratulations on your orders to active duty! The Army Chaplaincy is a great place to be.
(((hugs))) and prayers surrounding you and your family... and all your soldiers... we are with you every step of the way, and then some. (((hugs)))
And YOU are going to be okay.
Hundreds of prayers will continue to be said for you and for your family every single day - by people like me who feel so privileged to be with you every step of the way via this website. You are what the Chaplaincy is all about. Thank you for your stories - and thank you, especially, for your service. God will be with you. Blessings always, Jean in SC
You'll be better than OK--you're going to be great!
Rock on!! Hey Jump on in the waters fine:) I hope to link up with you when you get the chance!
You'll be better than OK--you're going to be great!
Rock on!! Hey Jump on in the waters fine:) I hope to link up with you when you get the chance!