Iraq: Part Dux // February 25, 2008

Sophia smiled at me.

It was beautiful. I've been waiting for weeks for that smile.

Understand, she's been smiling - that, "I have gas real bad and its making me grimace" smile - but its been a smile all the same. Today was different, today, as I was getting ready to leave, she looked up at her dad and smiled... and smiled. She smiled all morning. It was just about the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

Then Sara took her to the sitters while I finished packing.

Yup, I've landed. I've been in Kuwait for two days now. Camp Buehring is much improved since the last time I was here but at the same time, its exactly the same. Same smell, same blowing wind, same miserable sand. Other than that - its more or less cool. I'm in the USO here and its great! Outside the tent, there is a sandstorm going strong, visibility is about at a quarter mile which is not bad. I met the Post chaplain today and had lunch with the RC Priest and his assistant. They've been very hospitable.

Some thoughts on getting ready to deploy... again...

Communication: Historically, whenever I have been getting ready to do something significant (whether that be an athletic event, theatre, or some singing event) I generally become very quiet and introspective. Sometimes people will think me depressed or even angry since I'm not generally like that. Knowing this about myself, I've tried to avoid that this time. Its one thing to be like that when your single - but I have others to think about this time. Deployment is no different. However, I am different. Honestly, its been less like that than I thought it would be. I thought I would have to fight harder to stay chipper but I'm just a happier person now that I was then. In fact, I have never been happier! I know, I know, I'm sure there are those just shaking their heads - but seriously, this last year has been the best year of my life. Having that peace at home makes something like this SO much easier to deal with.

That said, Sara and I have certainly been proactive in ensuring that we communicate well. To do this, we generally ask very specific questions - side note: other couples may have time to develop non-verbal communication skill and thus have the expectations that go with that but we don't have that kind of time. I teach soldiers this all the time - you can't expect your spouse to know how you feel or how to respond to him/her unless you tell them! Sara and I met, fell in love, married and worked out our differences in a world where words were all we had! If I felt it - I had to tell her - one can't communicate emotion in an email... - our specific questions revolve around how we feel, what are expectations are (or look like) and what we need out of the other person.

Many times, we don't really know what to expect in a given situation and just the process of thinking through the answer to a question usually helps us to figure that out. In the last month, we would sit down, and look at our schedule to understand what the week would look like, and then she might ask me what she could do to help me have a calmer week. I might ask her what I could do to maximize our quality time. Asking specific questions and having an honest, well thought through answer has done more for our marriage than any book or conference! (Those have certainly helped to!)

A key question that we will ask each other will have to do with expectations. Sometimes, you have to be creative with the question in order to get the information you are looking for. For instance, in getting ready for the big day (the day we went to the airport and Sara dropped me off) we asked each other how we envisioned that day - what does that moment look like. Most people have an idea (whether they have thought through it or not) of what a given situation will "look like." Redeployment is a prime example of this - some folks see the image of the famous kiss in NYC as what redeploment will "look like," others might see it as just getting off the plane, grabbing their gear and celebrating once they get into some civilian clothes. Every part of that process is the same way. I often counsel soldiers to think in terms of, "how do you see yourself disciplining your children when you get home?" "Have you talked to your wife about that?"

We also ask each other to "list the top three things you want to do when you come home" or something like that. Being specific in our questions and answers have contributed greatly to being able to meet and exceed expectations.

Gear: This time, I had a much better idea of what to take. The only big purchases were another computer (We've been replacing our (ok, my) collection of various computers with two laptops. Its vital to be operating off the same system. In our case, we both use Macbooks with built in webcams and microphones. To this I added a Pelican computer case, Pelican ipod case and a garmin wind up SW radio. Oh, and I also bought a cheap pair of noise canceling headphones - believe me, from the noise of the aircraft to the chorus of snores in the 70 man tent - they have been invaluable!!!

Expectations: On this note, I mentioned to Sara that we should be prepared for Muphy's Law to be in great effect during the last few days before departure.

And it was.

On Friday, the day before I was supposed to leave, we set off early to get to Hunter Army Airfield where I was to register my gear. On the way, I realized that I had forgotten my ID card (you can't get on base without it) keep in mind that hunter is an hour's drive from my house... It kept up all day long finishing with the DVD that we rented didn't work in our cheap DVD player... 

To top it off, right about Ireland, I started thinking about hitting the gym when I got to Kuwait - and then realized that I had forgotten to pack my sneakers.... nice...

So there you have it. First post from overseas...

I've decided to call this deployment (in the categories area):

Iraq: Part Dux...