I think that most of us need to constantly be moving in our spiritual walk - our walk with God. I just finished Thomas Cahill's Desire of the Everlasting Hills and am following it up with Rabbi Lawrence Kushner's God was in this Place and I, i did not know it.

Both have been profoundly moving. Both have furthered my walk with God. Earlier, I had posted a long article about love and what that means for me. Today, I will give you a couple passages and you can draw your own conclusions.

From, Desire of the Everlasting Hills,

The Son of Man has become the Ward of all mankind. Incarnated as Jesus of Nazareth, he is, after his resurrection the principle of Jewish Justice itself, incarnated in the person of anyone and everyone who needs our help. It is ironic that some Christians make such a fuss over the elements of the Eucharist - bowing before them, kneeling in adoration because Christ is present in them - but have never bothered to heed these solemn words about the presence of Christ in every individual in need. Jesus told us only once (at the Last Supper) that he would be present in the Bread and Wine, but he tells us repeatedly in the Gospels that he would always be present in the Poor and Afflicted - to whom we should bow and kneel. It is perverse that some Christians make such a fuss over the bound text of God's Word, carrying it processionally, holding it with reverence, never allowing it to touch the ground, but have never considered seriously the text of Matthew 25, in light of which we should always catch God's Needy before they hit the ground. It sometimes seems that it is to church people in particular - to Christian Pharisees - that these words are directed. pg. 247

To those that would count themselves out because they are not Roman Catholic, you need only look to the spirit that Cahill points to in order to see yourself.

I saw me, and I have committed this sin. I have seen those with profound needs not as Christ, needing shelter, needing love - but as "one more broken soldier" I have to deal with before I can hit the rack. I have seen those that need my care and empathy not as Christ for whom I would do anything, but as "cases" and "clients."

Then I read this from Rabbi Kushner: (The book is a "midrash" a Jewish homiletic on Gen. 28:10-16 and focuses its attention on Jacob's words when he awoke from his dream, "Surely God was in this place and I, i did not know!" The book focuses on spirituality in a Jewish context and looks at the passage from 7 different Rabbi's perspectives. I have had to read each chapter twice to fully grasp the meaning...) Several thoughts from various pages in the first chapter.  

What Jacob is saying here essentially is, "If I had known [that God would have been here], I wouldn't have gone to sleep in such a holy place!"

The beginning of knowing about God, in other words, is simply paying attention, being fully present where you are, or as Rashi suggests, waking up. We realize, like Jacob, that we have been asleep. We do not see what it happening all around us. For most of us, most of the time, the lights are on and nobody is home.

Right now for instance, you are a reader. You are consuming these words and the ideas they bear. But suppose you were a typographer, then you would also notice the shapes of the letters. Suppose you were a poet. A paper manufacturer. A blind person. A composer. We find what we seek. And we seek who we are.

Perhaps Jacob thought, "If God was here and I didn't know, then perhaps God has been other places also..."

Spirituality then, is that dimension of living in which we are aware of God's presence. It is being concerned with how what we do affects God and how what God does affects us... it is about patience and paying attention, about seeing, feeling, and hearing things that were only a moment ago inaccessible.

{The world around us is so complicated and loud} We must therefore create an elaborate system of filters, lenses, and blinders to screen out the extraneous images, leaving us with a very small field of vision. {And we build a world that shuts out everything we don't want to see. Instead of the poor and needy who are Christ, we see welfare queens and drug adicts. Instead of broken souls suffering with no recourse we see the weak, complaining lot that needs to go out and get a job and contribute to society instead of tearing apart our precious social structure. In the words of Scrooge, "are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?"} {my thoughts}  

God said to Moses, "Come up to Me on the mountain and be there." If Moses were to ascend the mountain, why would God also bother to specify that he "be there?" Where else would he be? The answer, suggests the Rabbi, is that people often expend great effort climbing a mountain, but once they get there, they're not there; they're somewhere else.

Whenever I seem to get to the top of the mountain and get some perspective on life, it does not take long for me to "be somewhere else." I'm not sure that the Army is where I'll be for the rest of my ministry. I'm not sure what the future holds but one thing I am endeavoring to do right now:

Be where I am.

Reunion Questionnaire.doc

Here were my thoughts:

Hey Everybody! 

Greetings from sunny, dusty Camp Striker! Everyone here is working diligently to get everything done that needs doing since very soon we'll be packing it all up!! Are you excited yet? Nervous? Have you started thinking and planning the parties, events, or vacations you're going to take? Do you fear what your Soldier might have become in the last year? Are you nervous that this reunion might be just one more unfulfilled expectation in your relationship?

That's what this email is all about - preparing for the dreaded, terrible, awesome, exciting, happy, sad, indifferent, scary, overwhelming, joyful oncoming reunion...

Anytime we face change, it's a scary thing.... And that's ok...

On that note I want to address some things that I discuss more specifically in the talk I've been giving your Soldiers in preparation for the journey home.

1. Change has happened. You have changed, your Soldier has changed. If you have children, they have changed. This change is as inevitable as it is a natural part of life.

As part of that change, your Soldier has missed some very significant events in your life, as you have missed in his or hers. There is a natural temptation on the part of both Soldier here and loved one there to start the age old, "my deployment was worse than your deployment" fight. This, again, is a natural emotion. I would encourage you, when you feel the anger, resentment, and fear that change often brings with it, to remember a few things:

    a. Accept that change has happened and you both have to work toward getting to know each other again.

    b. Let the past 15 miserable months be the past 15 miserable months for both of you and look toward a positive future with each other. Here, I would note that it's ok to grieve over what has been missed. It's sad, it's unhappy, and it's natural for that grief to cloud the happiness of the reunion.

Often we think of grief in the context of death, but most folks have some of the feelings of grief any time they suffer a loss. 15 months of lost time is a very significant loss. For many people deployment is traumatizing for a relationship to go through. So grieve, give yourself permission to go through that process. Give each other the

space to have these feelings and (above all) love each other through them!!(for some great resources in understanding and working through grief look at:

http://www.hns.org/CenterforGriefHealing/TheGrievingProcess/tabid/90/Default.aspx)

c. Look at change not as a "we'll never be what we were" but more as a "look at how strong we are now, look at what we can become!" You have both been tested to the extreme and come out stronger. The very fact that you are reading this email is a testament to what you have had to overcome in your relationship! Yeah, you've probably changed, but that's ok - in fact - it might be awesome!

Embrace who you have become in each other!

2. Expectations seem to be the biggest challenge in the time immediately following a reunion. This is my second deployment, and I have spent a great deal of time talking with Soldiers and spouses that have been down this road before. The expectations of both the Soldier and the loved one need to be on the same page, or you'll face the specter of "unfulfilled expectations."

In other words, communicating your expectations. By this I mean what your reunion/family time/interaction with each other looks like to you - we all have these images in our mind, but we might not always verbalize them to our spouse. What does your first day back look like? What does that first week look like? How do you see your Soldier interacting with the kids? What does that first night look like? Are you planning on having sex right away or do you think it needs to be a romantic event? These are all immensely practical questions that need to be answered before your Soldier comes home. It might be helpful to close your eyes and try to imagine these events playing out. Often, simply verbalizing what you see happening in your mind will go a long way toward accepting the reality of what your reunion will be.

Attached to this email is a list of questions that my wife and I developed after a couple deployments and hours of counseling. Like anything of this nature, there is no "one size fits all" answer to what you specifically need to talk about with your Soldier - working through these questions will often spur more questions and discussion topics.

You never know what good conversation will come by asking a specific question.

And remember this - any kind of conversation like this will bring up emotions - be careful not to judge your partner's emotions. We all feel what we feel. Whether those emotions are justified or not is really not very important to the one feeling them! Simply accept that someone feels that way and work toward finding a solution that fits everyone.

As some have said, "look for a win-win scenario" - look for a way that you BOTH can have your expectations met! This can take a marginal reunion and make it a GREAT one!!

3. Choice - at the end of the day, you and your soldier have to choose to do the things needed to make your relationship work. We are only as strong as our choices in life. There is no magic technique or tool that will produce a good relationship unless you both choose to make it work. In all three units in which I have been a Chaplain, I have seen old marriages crumble and brand new ones make it. In each case of pulling through, the common denominator was the couple making the choice that they would accept each other, their choices and their quirks, in order to make it work.

Sometimes, that's the hardest part - choosing to work hard at making a reunion a success!

I am SO looking forward to meeting you all! It's always fun for my wife and I to meet the "other side" of the Soldiers that I have come to know and love in the battalion. After block leave, I'll be starting "mini seminars" in the battalion. We'll be focusing on ways that we can repair our relationships and work toward a bright future.

You are strong. You are stronger today than you were 15 months ago. You have made sacrifices that very few in this country ever make. We have each other and that makes us stronger yet! God's blessings be on you all.

Always here to serve,

Chaplain Fisher